I have completely neglected this blog for the last 2 years and to my amazement (3 years, 3 months and 3 days after I started it on 09/09/09) I decided to log in and discover that I've had almost 4000 hits from all across the globe. I've never really shared this page with anyone and actually started it just for my own self to keep all of my thoughts and findings in one place. That being said, I am revisiting this site to keep it going, add and update information and share my experiences with whoever wants to read them. Thank you by the way. If there's one thing I've learned since my last post on here it's that gratitude will instantly change the way I (and you) percieve reality. Earlier today I was sitting here in my home and felt cold (as its one of the coldest days of the year so far). Instantly I said to myself, "at least I have shelter" and expressed a silent gratitude. Simultaneously, a rolling wave of warmth seemed to just pour over me and I was no longer cold. Just one example of the thousands of problems and negative issues that gratitude and love can make disappear.
Since my last post, much has happened in the way of my own spiritual path and I am living a much happier and meaningful life. I'm not trying to brag by any means, but simply would like to share the steps it took me to get to this place of peace and understanding in hopes that I can help others who are on a similar path. Some of the greatest truths I have discovered by just checking out random people on the internet so this is merely my way of returning the favor.
One big difference between today and my last post is that I have been declared completely free from any mental illness as stated by the head of the psychology department of a local hospital after an official consultation. This offers one of three possible conclusions:
a) I was misdiagnosed as being bipolar
b) I am cured of being bipolar
c) Bipolar disorder does not exist.
Let me briefly describe why I choose option "c". When I was first "diagnosed" (what is a diagnosis besides someone's opinion anyways) I was told that there was no known cure and no known cause of this disorder. Okay, so then what proof is there that it exists? We know radiation causes cancer, bacteria cause infections and lack of oxygen to the brain causes strokes... objective stuff. When it comes to the subjective topic of one's own perspective however, who's to say what moods and emotions are right or wrong?? It's not the doctors personal opinion, or the professor they had in medical school's fault... they are merely bricks in a mighty pyramid of misinformation and mind control stemming from power-hungry, new-age government slave owners who want money and obviously security from the slaves that are generating it for them. So once you have absolute power over a nation of millions of people, you make the rules and they must abide, you can certainly tell all your universities what to teach it's students. You can then share a tiny part of your wealth with those who succesfully go along with your master plan and punish those who defy it. Hey, you could even make it illegal for anyone who didnt attend your brainwashing (I mean schooling) for years to perform any type of "medical" treatments or dispense health advice. If a slave owner had any sympathy, he wouldn't be a slave owner. Don't get me wrong, I love and appreciate the fact that I can get a rusty fish hook through my hand and there's someone nearby who's going to pull it out and give me a tetanous shot, but when that person starts criticizing my beliefs, should I be drawing a line?
Krishnamurti said it best: "It is no measure of health to be well adapted to a profoundly sick society."
Of course you're going to look "crazy" for wearing colorful clothing, jumping around and dancing infront of a society full of people who are trained to wear the same suits, think the same way and act just like everyone else out of fear of being cast away by their peers. Really, it's a fear that they will never be loved. At this point in my life I can safely say that if those were my peers, then cast me the hell away. I have no fear of not being loved because I love myself. This was the energy blockage that caused such a large number of all my problems in the past. My actions stemmed mostly from fear instead of love. The pressure to fit in from every direction completely suffocated my true self. I didn't know who I was or who I was supposed to be. The internal conflict completely consumed my thoughts until I realized that thoughts aren't always a good thing to begin with (anyone who meditates should understand this). The hardest part about meditating (for me) was getting my mind to shut up for once. Thoughts in my head just keep popping up non-stop and it's not until you clear all these stupid details away that really don't matter anyways... that you can allow for true insight and light to shine in. Ask your brain what it thinks about something and you get a big argument that will last as long as you want it to. Ask your heart what you feel and you get an instant answer. Dont think! Just feel... easier said than done right? Well, if you're new to meditation then like everything, practice makes perfect. I struggled with effectively meditating and still do, but it has definately become much easier than it was before and with that, it has become much easier to rationalize my feelings, control my actions and let my intuition guide me instead of some mess of thoughts generated from outside sources (the media, friends, family, coworkers, religions, movies, etc.).
Maybe these so-called "mental illnesses" really do exist. I know that when I was living under the impression that I had one, I was certainly acting as such. "No cure? I'm fucked for life. Crazy. An outcast, I don't belong, I'm better off dead..." These were thoughts that were in my head constantly. If that first pill-peddler hadn't convinced me I was fucked up, then I sure did convince myself. I applied that label to myself and became that label. That's all. It seems like everywhere we go there's people handing us labels (or sticking them on our backs when we're not looking). If you look at life that way, it's pretty easy to see individual people's intent towards you and maybe even start removing some of the more negative labels... and it's not an easy process removing labels from things that have been stuck on for decades, is it?
Well anyways, I look forward to posting more in the future. I just thought it would be important to share with the world that hey! I'm not crazy. And neither are you unless you keep telling yourself you are. You are unique as an individual, yes. This is something we all have in common.